Coping With The Loss of A Pet

I couldn't look at them the day after Heather died. It was the worst feeling in the world. Mr. K, Nibbles and Pudley needed me but I couldn't even bring myself to turn on my other side in bed, never mind go downstairs to walk and feed them. I felt defeated. I had prepared for sadness and ugly cries but this reaction I was not expecting. How was I unable to even look at my dogs? Fortunately, I had reinforcements to take care of the pups that day while I grieved...if that's what you want to call it.


While lying in bed, it dawned on me. I really hadn't told people yet. How was I supposed to do that now? I started with family. My grandmother, who has experienced greater loss than any other person in my life, had me laughing a bit and feeling inspired to at least try to tackle the day by the end of our call. She reminded me that Mr. K, Nibbles and Pudley needed me and that I had given Heather a really good life. Both things I knew but couldn't channel to pick myself up that morning. 

I managed to get through the grocery store and other mundane errands before returning home. I opened the refrigerator and saw the bowl I kept Heather's home cooked meals in and nearly lost it. I whisked around, slamming the refrigerator door behind me. I couldn't handle seeing that. How quickly I had forgotten it was there. And how surprising to find something as simple as food could be such a jarring emotional trigger. No one said grieving the loss of a pet would be easy but I think I had hoped the wonderful memories and love in my heart would prevent things from being this hard.

Sometime that afternoon or early evening, I got down on the floor and opened my arms to let my three Scotties come hug me. They all came smiling - Pudley acting silly and jumping around, Nibbles burrowing her head in my lap and Mr. K with his tail wagging but those soulful eyes showed me he was worried about me. I assured him everything was okay and took up a game of squeaky tennis ball and suddenly, his world was so much better than it was before. I had to pull it together for him.

With each day that passes, things get easier. Nights are the worst, though. It is as if your days return to normal but all that grief that was pushed aside rushes back to the surface once you've settled in for the night. It took me weeks to learn how to quiet my thoughts so I could rest. People always tell me look for signs of her. That she'll let me know she's in a better place and doing okay. Sadly, I have not seen any such sign. Not even after her remains came home. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. Instead, I remind myself that she is not in pain. It helps. It doesn't make it all go away but it helps.

Losing Heather was difficult and it didn't matter how many articles I read about dealing with the loss of a pet. I had to go through it and cope with it on my own and in my own way. (And I still am.) It is the best way to heal, in my opinion. I didn't feel peace until I decided to do something to honor Heather and began brainstorming ways to champion the rescue cause on her behalf. Knowing she'll live on in the hearts of many and that her memory will be preserved brings a tremendous amount of comfort. And I know she's looking on with that cute, crooked smile from wherever she is today.

13 comments:

  1. The empty feeling never goes away (hi, Kyla-RIP Dec 2014) but it does diminish over time.

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  2. I lost my beloved Maxie 8 years ago & when I read about your loss, it brings it back & I cry again. You will always miss her just as I miss my Maxie. He was my love, my protector, my best buddy, my constant companion and he can never be replaced. I do have dogs now and I worry all the time that they will get that horrid liver disease that took my boy. Like you knew with your sweet Heather Beather, when Maxie's liver got so bad that he had over 20 seizures in one day, I knew it was time for him to leave me. I had 14 years of the sweetest love I could ask for. I know how much it hurts to lose a fur kid. I think of you often. Love, Maxie's Mom

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  3. I lost my beloved Maxie 8 years ago & when I read about your loss, it brings it back & I cry again. You will always miss her just as I miss my Maxie. He was my love, my protector, my best buddy, my constant companion and he can never be replaced. I do have dogs now and I worry all the time that they will get that horrid liver disease that took my boy. Like you knew with your sweet Heather Beather, when Maxie's liver got so bad that he had over 20 seizures in one day, I knew it was time for him to leave me. I had 14 years of the sweetest love I could ask for. I know how much it hurts to lose a fur kid. I think of you often. Love, Maxie's Mom

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  4. Every dog that has been a part of my life has been different. So every loss has been different for me. I know years later I still hurt from the loss. You do not have to look around for a sign. It is the little things that will pop up to let you. It is always when you are not looking that you see.
    Prayers and Hugs.

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  5. You're not alone. My Tassel went over the bridge in April and there isn't a day that goes by I don't miss her and her little Scottie waddle, her aroo, and her floppy ear. It does get better. Please do remember you gave her an amazing life and she will always be with you. Thinking of you Scottie mom!

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  6. Dear Scottiemom, reading about how you felt the first few hours and days after the loss of your sweet Heather brought me back to August of 2014 when I had to say good bye to my sweet Charlie. No one could have prepared me for the tremendous pain that came with the loss of my best friend, and to this day I think about him all the time.
    I'm glad to hear you're doing better now. Enjoy your three beautiful Scotties!❤️

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  7. After having a cry reading your latest post I agree with you, the loss is unbearable. It's hard to fathom how your heart can hurt so much but it still keeps you alive at the same time. It's cruel. We are here for you. And so are your other three beautiful babies.

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    1. I agree with Bentley it is the little things. But sometimes it can be a big thing to you. One year to the very date of Lee's last Scot passing she woke up to find this perfect shaped heart mark on her right arm where he always rested his head while she read or watched T.V. It looked as if she had been tattooed. Lee went to her dermatologist immediately who had seen her the month before for her annual skin cancer checkup. The dermatologist had never seen anything like it and called in her other two associates to see it.
      Sweet William The Scot

      sorry my paws were on the wrong keys

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  9. We have never experienced the loss of one of our Scotties, and can only begin to imagine the pain you're dealing with during these tough weeks and months following your loss of sweet Heather. Any post about Heather brings me to tears immediately - because of the pain you must be feeling and because of how much we miss seeing Heather Beather. Thinking of you and your Scottie family <3

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  10. Understand the crying jag, taking time out to just cry it out. Luckily, the other dogs were comforting. They seemed to know.

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  11. Oh Scottie Mom, I feel your pain and loss. There are no words that can soothe your grief. Your post brought me to tears and like others have expressed, the absence is unbearable but the sickening sadness lessens with time..
    I lost my Scottie in June and still have a hard time going into my yard and garden where his nesting spots are still there. One thing that makes me feel better is to know that another little dog will come my way at some point in the future. I live alone and the company and love of a Scottie or any animal friend, can not be surpassed. Blessings are coming your way.

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  12. Thinking of you sweetheart. Having had 25+ years of living with scotties, their heartbreaking departures from my life have never got ‘easier’, in fact I’ve found it gets worse - because you then know the devastation you’re going to go through for months and months whilst you adjust to their loss. Heather is with you, and always will be. Don’t try so hard to ’see’ her, you’ll just sense her presence one day, unexpectedly, and hopefully you’ll feel a little more comforted. A dear friend sent me two books, which helped greatly with my own bereavement last year : “There Are No Sad Dogs in Heaven” by Sonya Fitzpatrick and “Pet Whisperer” by Sarah-Jane Le Blanc. Both books made me cry, but I was also deeply comforted by the ‘knowledge’ these two fabulous women imparted. Take care, we are all thinking of you xxx

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